i dont know what is wrong with me. i'm a terrible person and i can't stop it.

I always get angry at every little thing. I explode. I have terrible judgement. I'm lazy as fuck. I keep pushing people away from me. I'm emotionally disturbed. And I can't stop stressing. 24/7, 365. I'm always stressing. Stressing about my future, about life, about Greg, about Kathy, about getting more friends, about writing, about laziness, about editorship, fuck i'm stressing about making my car payments when i'm 27.

My life would be so much easier if every night I wasn't wondering what Greg was out doing, who is beating Kathy, what Kathy's Dad is going to do this summer, what college I'm going to get into, What I'm going to major in, what my career will be, why Greg isn't calling, if he is going to dump me for a more beautiful girl or what.

A lot of the time I just want to kill myself. Kind of because I'm scared, not real;ly because I'm miserable, but mostly because I"m lazy. Lazy...too damn lazy to have to go through years and years more of this torturous worrying. It's never going to end. It's never going to get better. It'll get worse. I'm never going to get any better. I'm never going to get any more beautiful and I'm never going to get any more tolerant. I'll always just be this horrible bitch and nobody will love me.

I always make the wrong mistakes and two minutes later in retrospect I always am so mad at myself

I don't know how to do this anymore I just don't know how to keep going on I can't keep fucking up like this