unfortunate...

I guess for people who actually read this, I should clarify. I am now attending UCSC. I'm single. I love my life. I haven't bitched and sat around in an emo mood since I fucking got here. I am happy with everything. I have a million close friends. And for the first time in fucking three years, I have a refreshing case of boy drama.

A little strange. I initially got the feeling Tyler was into me, somewhat reinforced by Nick's question: Will you fuck him, get with him, take care of him for me? At the time I was massively unattracted to Tyler. I am..not entirely sure why.

However, I started messaging him to try to get closer to Nick. Eventually I got over Nick and just started messaging him for the company. We started talking until 3 in the morning. This is how me and Greg hooked up initially. 3 am AIM chats. THey're always good.

He calls me up, asks me to come with him. Eager to spend time with me. Does anything I ask. Shunned Hickey's party for mine. My friends tell me that he likes me by the way he looks at me. I haven't noticed. We act like we're together when we're in the car by the way we have punching attacks. I have noticed.

But he brags about Marika to me all the goddamn time, and this makes me believe he really just thinks I'm a cool kid. I'm not as hot as his ex or his current. He asked me what I thought of her after everyone got out of the car the other day. I said she seemed nice, she was cute. Long pause. As I got out of the car he said, "It's cool you think Marika is cute. It means a lot to me."

What the fuck? Does it really? Why did he take so long to say it? Was he testing me? What did he expect me to say, "I think she's an ugly cunt"? I dunno.

I will not pursue him. I haven't flirted. I've held back my attraction pretty well lately, but as for now, he's pretty much the only person I've got a thing for. I don't need him just now, and I'm totally okay with being single. I'm not in love with him. He as major girlfriend issues, and I don't want to nurse a broken guy. It's just that this is the way I'm most comfortable with getting to like a guy...spending more time with him and being cool friends with him first. All the others so far have been awkward and I haven't really been able to like them as much because I didn't know them as well. And if we wind up hooking up one or three or five months from now, so be it, you know?

....we will be living with each other for a month in December (possibly probably maybe). So. That's a long time to develop something.

x your fingers.