I am so completely and utterly bored right now, I don't know what to do.So I'm writing in here.

Suddenly you feel a surge of excitement.Don't you.

Hey, did i ever tell you about the story behind why I'm banned from the Mormon church?

Funny story, really....

So there I was, all decked out in sweatpants and an XXL t-shirt, all ready to watch a Monty Python video, when I got the call.

"I'm lonely! Will you come to the dance with me? I've got no-one to groove with!"

Shit, I hope Kathy doesn't read this. She had better not. Kathy, stop reading. NOW. Gawd. I love you! So don't! OK but if you read it I'm not liable for any of it so you can't get mad!!!! So there. That's my disclaimer.

The dance, of course, was the one in the Mormon church for Mormon youth. No, shut up your laughing. It wasn't really that bad, I'd been to one before and there had been people like Neil, and Ashlee. Ashlee was there for Megan, so I was basically, okay I'll go for Kathy. Beer-guzzling, blasphemous freak that I am, what could go wrong, right?

The first time I'd gone I wore a black top and skirt, my red and black striped tights and combat boots. Everyone treated me really weird. I felt like Marilyn Manson in a poodle-skirt club. And Kathy's like, "well, it's just the way you dressed..." Like it was my fault...okay.

But I didn't want to go through the shit this time, so I dressed more...conservatively. First I had to go through this "interview"...hah! A test, more like. This preacher fellow asks you a bunch of questions, like did you read this Mormon pamphlet, do you know what "moshing" is, etc etc. I lied through all of it. Then you get inspected by church ladies.

DRESS CODE

-no spikes, or other dangerous jewelry

-tuck in your shirt

-your skirt must go below your knees

-no slits (i had one so they touched my ass and safetypinned it shut)

-girls should wear skirt or dress (no jeans)

-keep your shoes on at all times

-no bare midriff

-no bare shoulders

I mean you might as well just put on your bonnet and petticoat while you're at it.

Okay, so here's where I get my lecture about morals. Sure, they have good morals. But...come on. People've gotta party. You can't be perfect all the time. Hang loose, dude.

Then I looked for KAthy--didn't find her for something like 45 minutes. Finally I found her...I really don't know what the fuck she'd been doing, I don't.... but then we went off.

The music was horrible. Last time, they'd played some great songs, but this time they had a bitch as a DJ. She wasn't playing ANYTHING that was requested, because she'd already set up a song list and wasn't going to change it. What an uptight kid. She'd got all her songs pre-approved and shit. So when they played the Aquabats for the second time I was prett-y pissed.

The DJ's temporary replacement, Bryan, gestured for us to come up to the stage. So we did. We looked through the songs on the computer, and there was Incubus! And lots of other cool bands. So Kathy was totally, "All right! Play Nice to Know You!" So I clicked on it. The music went OFF. The computer was loading! What could I do? Everyone looked up and was like, wtf? But then it started playing so everything was okay. Right? WRong! The bitchDJ came up and was really tripping. "tripping." heh heh. cool. My go, the look on her face.

She was screaming "Turn it off! TUrn it back! Turn it back!" She pushed us out of the way and started clicking away in the panicked frenzy. Man what a control freak. So back came the Aquabats, and Kathy and me ran offstage. When we looked back, she was crying. Hard. I thought that was totally stupid, because even if we had done something wrong, (which we didn't, it was INCUBUS for chrissakes) crying and making a big fucking deal would only bring more attention to it. So all these adults were like, "poor baby!" what? Why?

Later I spoke to Bryan about it. "Oh, yeah," he said. "It wasn't that big a deal. She's the biggest crybaby in our church. She cries about everything. My Dad said, "What are you crying about? What's there to cry about?" and she stopped and actually started giggling."

Jesus. Well, I guess Kathy didn't know about that. I was kind of cracking up nervously. "Oh christ!" I was saying, "look! She's actually crying! Can you believe that! She's actually crying! What's her deal? " I guess it might have been insensitive, but man I hated her at that moment. Kathy, unexpectedly, got very very mad and went off on me.

I got mad too. "I came here because you wanted me to, and if you don't want me here then I'm leaving!" ANd so, I did. She tried to stop me and we got yelling. I searched for the phone for 15 minutes, and along the way saw these church mothers panicking and running to the gym, saying, "Well these kids got onstage and fooled with the controls!" Then I called my dad and waited for him to come, outside. I waited half an hour and had eggs thrown at me. SO I decided to go back in and give my dad another call.

ooo, Kathy was there and steaming. "I know where your dad is!" she said. "Where?" I asked. "I won't tell you until you talk to me!" "God, you bitch!" I replied (I called her a bitch! Gasp.) and set off to look, but she followed me. WE started yelling at each other in the corridor and I was cussing. Saying things like "goddamn!" Then, who comes around the corner but...the bishop. Fuuuuck. He gave me this totally awful look. Just then, behind him, The doors burst open from the interview room and my dad, accompanied with a bunch of church administrators. He apparently had not seen me out front. He didn't trust the Mormon church in the first place, didn't want me to go, I guess he thought it was some kind of cult. Maybe he was afraid that they were sacrificing me on a stake or something but he went nuts and started yelling at 'em, "where's my daughter" and shit. I heard this from Bryan and Ashlee later. So then he saw me, and I left with him, but not before hissing a supermean "thanks" to a totally blow-up-mad Kathy.

So that's why I'm not welcome anymore in the Mormon church.

Hooray!

i'm over it. i just wanted to put it in my diary so i'd remember it. why not.