God. For once! Just for once! I would goddamn like to have a 15-17 year old guy attracted to me. A good one. It's always 18 and above who come after me now. Goddamn! Some are OK, but a lot of the time I just feel like screaming, "You're not in my goodamn age group!" I'm kind of sick of lying about my age. I wish I was 16. 16 isn't so bad.

My aunt died. Koo Chay is dead. I don't know if it hasn't sunk it yet or whatever, but I feel this dull kind of sadness when I think about it.. not really sadness.... I dunno. I just kind of feel this regret and dissapointment that I won't be able to meet her when I go back after all. I think we might have gotten along OK now that Ive grown up a little and gotten less annoying (I was one hell of a 7 year old and an even worse 12 year old) Everybody always DID say that I was a lot like her. Bu now I wont be able to know...

My dad is taking it very hard. But he always tries to be happy for me though I see that inside he's crying.