yeah, this barrage, this assault of entries is due to the fact I haven't written in ages.

Despite the sinking empty guilty feeling I have in the pit of my stomach, I have decided to cease my communications with Nick. After talking with him on the phone for 4 hours the other night, I have decided he's not for me. He's hot and he's really nice, but... there's just that feeling you get. There's a lot of reasons. First of all, he thinks i'm 17, and he's 23. 23!!! Second, this fact really creeped me out, he's also going out with this 30 year old woman with a 14 year old kid. I was 14 2 weeks ago. Third he wants this relationship. Some deep realtionship. Like he actually told me, "this relationship won't work out if I only get to see you once a week." I was thinking, "goddamn! WHAT relationship??!" I don't want a realationship! Not one out of school, anyway. He's really pushy. He thinks that I should ust drop everything, school, my life, just to see him. I mean, come on! If he's pushy about that, he could be really pushy about OTHER things too, catch my drift? And that bugs me. Also he was getting kind of obsessive about me, which is always really disturbing. I don't know. THat's just not my thing. I don't go out on dates with guys I barely know. I'm sorry. Anyway, it's all too bad I guess.