I am so mad.

I just GOD I just I dont know

My bastard dad! And PMS! And just every little thing that's piled on top of me these past few weeks... Grades! Kennett! Every goddamn ROMANTIC fucking piece of shit, everything is just ON TOP OF ME

not even The Commotion could save my sorry ass this time. I'm thinking of not printing anymore. It's all Greg's fault.

jaxmirkinrevenge: :-(

Shortguy613: eh? :_:

jaxmirkinrevenge: I'm. So. Upset.

Shortguy613: Why? =(

Shortguy613: =l

jaxmirkinrevenge: GAH

jaxmirkinrevenge: My dad's just giving me all this shit

jaxmirkinrevenge: I hate him

Shortguy613: =

Shortguy613: why? --;

Shortguy613: is he doing that?

jaxmirkinrevenge: i dunno

jaxmirkinrevenge: I was just talking about how stupid the teen driving law was and how I'd probably break it

jaxmirkinrevenge: Not the driving after midnight part, the part where I pick up Kathy and drive her around because she can't take the bus to the other part of towjn

jaxmirkinrevenge: And he starts saying how if I'm caught my license will be revoked

jaxmirkinrevenge: And I argue with him that there's no way I'll be caught, because police officers don't pull you over because they assume you've had yourlicense for under 6 months, and even if i did get pulled over, you dont' get your license revoked, you get a fine, you go to traffic school, that's it

jaxmirkinrevenge: And he starts saying all kinds of shit things

jaxmirkinrevenge: Oh How i Hate Him

Shortguy613: =(

jaxmirkinrevenge: Oh I just need to

jaxmirkinrevenge: I have no idea

jaxmirkinrevenge: I feel like a very confused and angry little kid.

Shortguy613: ehh.. well, i wouldn't pay any attention to him

Shortguy613: I mean seriously

jaxmirkinrevenge: I guess it's just all the little things piled up on top of each other though

jaxmirkinrevenge: Him, and everything else going on

Shortguy613: they have more problems pms'ing than we do

jaxmirkinrevenge: Frustrating.

Shortguy613: erm

Shortguy613: you know what i mean

jaxmirkinrevenge: Yeah ha ha

jaxmirkinrevenge: if I had a door I'd slam it

Shortguy613: i wish I had one too....

jaxmirkinrevenge: lol, at least I have stairs

jaxmirkinrevenge: Sorry

Shortguy613: ?

Shortguy613: why?

Shortguy613: wait

jaxmirkinrevenge: sorry you don't have a door

Shortguy613: you used lol?!

Shortguy613: aiya!

Shortguy613: you're apologizing!

jaxmirkinrevenge: Shut up

Shortguy613: =

jaxmirkinrevenge: about the lol thing

jaxmirkinrevenge: If you must know, I did not really laugh out loud. If you must know, at this point it would take a lot for me to laugh. But I used it as a default and as an appreciation for your effort.

Shortguy613: ehh

Shortguy613: alright

jaxmirkinrevenge: yes I am apologizing. Because sometimes people do that, you know? Even me, though clearly it seems that I would be incapable of that, as stone cold Stephanie.

jaxmirkinrevenge: And here I am apologizing again for my tyrade of sarcasm because I am currently pissed off.

jaxmirkinrevenge: Sorry

jaxmirkinrevenge: ::::sigh::::::

Shortguy613: =(

Shortguy613: don't worry about it, you don't need to apologize to me

Shortguy613: it's ok

jaxmirkinrevenge: Well it's not like it's some huge DEAL or something!

jaxmirkinrevenge: I do it occasionally, you know? I'm apologizing cuz I feel sorry

jaxmirkinrevenge: Just accept it......please?

Shortguy613: Alright

Shortguy613: I do

jaxmirkinrevenge: Oh my

jaxmirkinrevenge: I just told Greg off

jaxmirkinrevenge: That's a first

Shortguy613: ehh

jaxmirkinrevenge: Tell your bro happy birthday from me

Shortguy613: hehe

Shortguy613: alright

Shortguy613: ^>^

jaxmirkinrevenge: i wanna get him something

jaxmirkinrevenge: what would he want?

Shortguy613: he's 7

jaxmirkinrevenge: um

jaxmirkinrevenge: That doesn't help

Shortguy613: i know

Shortguy613: =l

jaxmirkinrevenge: let's just say no Ngo is an average 7 year old

Shortguy613: that's all I know

Shortguy613: o.O;

jaxmirkinrevenge: I'm thinking of not printing any more Commotions.

Shortguy613: why not?!

jaxmirkinrevenge: It's so little and stupid and pointless

jaxmirkinrevenge: And I can't write worth a shit anyway

Shortguy613: but you love doing it

Shortguy613: omg

Shortguy613: yes you can

jaxmirkinrevenge: No I can't

Shortguy613: you are an amazing writer

Shortguy613: grr

jaxmirkinrevenge: I am Not

Shortguy613: stop doing that

Shortguy613: :_:

Shortguy613: =l

jaxmirkinrevenge: None of those articles were worth a shit

jaxmirkinrevenge: They were all terrible

Shortguy613: Yes, They Are

Shortguy613: People cared about them

Shortguy613: and you sold out!

Shortguy613: that has to say something

Shortguy613: :_:

jaxmirkinrevenge: REad them again in a criticizing light instead of a "this is stephanie" light and you'l see

jaxmirkinrevenge: They sold out because of my male fan base wanting a hot naked chick on the back

Shortguy613: that doesn't matter

Shortguy613: they are still good

jaxmirkinrevenge: I don't put enough effort into my writing when I've got to hurry like that, when I've got to write so much. And so I just crank out pointless shit

jaxmirkinrevenge: That's not good

jaxmirkinrevenge: I'm a fraud

Shortguy613: now you're just putting yourself down :_:

Shortguy613: godam, don't you ever read newpapers?

jaxmirkinrevenge: Nobody sees how horrible it really is because of the sexy people in the middle of the goddamn article and the naked chick! They get caught up in the HYPE! It's cool, so they think it is! I'm just another part of the damn media, don't you see?

jaxmirkinrevenge: The whole thing is fake!

jaxmirkinrevenge: Nobody really likes it! Nobody thinks I'm a good writer at all

jaxmirkinrevenge: Only one person saw how shitty it really is because he didn't fall for that hype, and he told me about it and now I see it all clear as day!

Shortguy613: how on earth do you get that?

Shortguy613: it's called criticism... you're going to get it regardless of how well it's written

Shortguy613: sometimes, it just differs with opinion

jaxmirkinrevenge: But he told me I could write better than that

jaxmirkinrevenge: And I CAN

jaxmirkinrevenge: And that's the point

Shortguy613: then try, that's all you need to do

Shortguy613: and it's fun

jaxmirkinrevenge: it's really just all crap

Shortguy613: so who cares?

jaxmirkinrevenge: It's tiring

jaxmirkinrevenge: And I've run out of ideas

Shortguy613: but you -liked- it

Shortguy613: what did they say to make you feel like that?

Shortguy613: its not fair to -you-

jaxmirkinrevenge: I don't know

jaxmirkinrevenge: They didn't say much

jaxmirkinrevenge: Actually.... he hardly said a thing at al'

jaxmirkinrevenge: He just said that I should do my research before writing and that it wasn't a communist belief, it was a totalitarianist belief

jaxmirkinrevenge: And I came to all the rest of the conclusions by myself

Shortguy613: =(

jaxmirkinrevenge: don't you think it's all just shit?

jaxmirkinrevenge: The only real good articles in there were the ones I didn't make

jaxmirkinrevenge: You guys'

Shortguy613: no

Shortguy613: yours are great as well

Shortguy613: come on stephanie, the more you think about things, the worse they turn out in your mind

Shortguy613: because all you can see are the flaws

jaxmirkinrevenge: it's just another silly childish dream

Shortguy613: but you did it

jaxmirkinrevenge: i blew it way out of proportion

Shortguy613: but it happened

jaxmirkinrevenge: it wasn't really the success I thought it was, I was just so giddy that it seemed like it

Shortguy613: but everyone wanted it

jaxmirkinrevenge: like i said

jaxmirkinrevenge: it's all just a trend

Shortguy613: for the second time in a row?

jaxmirkinrevenge: it's only been a month

jaxmirkinrevenge: trends last a couple

Shortguy613: then whats wrong with sticking with it?

jaxmirkinrevenge: cuz it sucks

jaxmirkinrevenge: thass why

jaxmirkinrevenge: I dont' like producing crap and throwing it to the masses

Shortguy613: it only sucks to you.

jaxmirkinrevenge: It's like a crime against humanity

Shortguy613: the don't produce crap anymore.

Shortguy613: *then

jaxmirkinrevenge: It's like pedalpushers

jaxmirkinrevenge: They were crap and thrown upon many yuppies!

jaxmirkinrevenge: Terrible stuff

Shortguy613: =(

jaxmirkinrevenge: ok pedalpushers weren't too bda

jaxmirkinrevenge: How about those jeans that were faded like you peed bleach?

jaxmirkinrevenge: Ok, those are sins against humanity.

Shortguy613: ehh

jaxmirkinrevenge: lord they're ugly

Shortguy613: haha

jaxmirkinrevenge: oh my god, I was having an ASS day today

Shortguy613: =(

jaxmirkinrevenge: Like I came across 3 of the biggest asses I've ever seen

Shortguy613: o.o

jaxmirkinrevenge: I swear they were as wide as about half of you

jaxmirkinrevenge: 3/4. maybe

jaxmirkinrevenge: lengthwise

Shortguy613: ew...

jaxmirkinrevenge: yeh

Shortguy613: that's disgusting

jaxmirkinrevenge: hah

jaxmirkinrevenge: exactly

jaxmirkinrevenge: sigh

Shortguy613: ?

jaxmirkinrevenge: i'm in a state of

jaxmirkinrevenge: uh... it's a bad state

jaxmirkinrevenge: feeling kind of illiterate a the moment

jaxmirkinrevenge: thanks, though

jaxmirkinrevenge: A lot

Shortguy613: eh....

jaxmirkinrevenge: For the encouragemnt

My journal is so FUCKING stupid. You know that? it's just so damn stupid. I can't phrase anything. I just put all my damn conversations in here to do the talking for me cuz I'm so fucking lazy. it's becaues I'm so fuckng lazy that I can't write like shit. That's why my vocabulary is absolute shit and I write like crap, I can't even write in my goddamn diary how can I have been publishing.... Oh god

What have I done?