College life is pretty insane. Me and Greg did pretty much the same stuff as always when I visited him this weekend. Cuddled and walked about campus laughing crazily about stupid stuff, visiting the arcade, feeding the ducks, playing Soulcaliber II on his Gamecube, playing with cute Greg, eating at the DC, etc, etc. But we did something different this time. The Jewish frat was having a party. AE pi! Everyone was really excited. Apparently the Jewish frat always holds amazing parties. Greg was reluctant at first. I didn�t really ask him much. But after some playing Soulcaliber with him and Vinny (I went nuts and kicked four people�s asses with cool Maxi pad and his nun-chucks) I got up and collected a razor and shaving cream and Greg asked if I was going to shower. I asked if I had time before we left. Greg asked, �leave for what?� and Vinny said, �the party, man!� I�m sure deep inside he kind of wanted to go, and now he couldn�t back down. He couldn�t say No because Vinny would give him hell for it, so he just consented and said, �Yeah, Tipsy Taxi doesn�t even start running �till 9.� So I went and soaped up and made myself hot and all that shit. We dilly-dallied for a bit and left around 10 in the Tipsy Taxi. I had to pay because Greg was broke. WE were really late for the Taxi and almost didn�t make it because we went to my car to get a coat and shoes, and had to sprint up to the room to put my old shoes back. We finally reached the Frat house, which didn�t really look like those big brick ones you see in movies, or even the cool two-story Victorian ones downtown. It was one story, mostly, with another sort of second story in one section�it was almost like those fancy Spanish style houses but shabbier. It had an artsy slanting roof and a sort of courtyard. There were big, fat Jewish bouncers and we were worried about coming in because Greg was the only Jew and he had declined to pledge over a month before. I was especially worried because they were IDing people, and not only did I not have a Residence card, but I wasn�t even 18. Nobody was 21, but nobody was under 18, either. I�ve yet to turn 17 (tomorrow!!) I really can hardly believe that I�m so young. I feel that much older. I can�t understand it. But then Adam, the big man in the frat and Greg�s friend, let us in. Greg kept his arm around me most of the night, so I didn�t really get hit on (except for the two seconds when he took it off cuz I had to get my coat and a bunch of fat asian guys said �Daaaaaaaaaym girl!�) It might�ve been cuz I was hot, it might have been because of the huge Tequila bottle I was waving around, or it might have been both. Don�t worry though. The Tequila bottle was empty when I found it, but it was so pretty I decided to keep it. But I forgot it in Greg�s room, blah. It was pretty interesting inside. There was a dance floor with a DJ, disco ball and light-up multicolored ball, and everybody was getting down-lo. There was another drinking room where two bitches (pledges) were serving up jungle juice to rape-worthy girls. Upstairs was the bathroom, which was pretty disgusting. Playboys, Spins and Vices were all over the floors for shitty reading, and the urinals had garbage bags over them; I guess cuz it's harder to clean spew from them than just flushing a regular toilet. There were makeout rooms. In the back, there were a bunch of couches for making out on, but it was freezing. To the side, there was a keg with more bitch pledges squirting beer from the kegs into kids' cups. I got Mo a beer, so I got to talk to the only hot guy there, the one pumping the beer, but turns out he was gay. Figures. He had a hot nose, and you know how the nose fetish is. I'm so susceptible.

First we just walked around and checked out the scene, then sat on a couch in the back for a while. We went in and sat on the couch inside next to the dance floor, where we talked to GregII, Omid and Mo, each one at a time who interchanged from the same seat to the right of us on the couch. We watched them dance and grind and made fun of Googz and Hagar. Hagar is a hilarious fat jewish girl Adam tried to hook up with Greg. She desperately wanted GregII, and humped him on the dance floor with her back to us while GregII made pathetic sad faces at us and we laughed insanely. I finally got up and asked to cut in so I could save his life from her monstrously saggy boobs, which he was immeasurably thankful for. Then me and Greg danced for a little bit. We did twirly things, and dips and tangos, (thus we were the only normal people there, or maybe the only insane people) And a little bit of grinding to show him off a tad. .

After a little bit, we sat back down on the couch. I sat on his lap. This fat indian bitch came roaring at me all of a sudden, screaming "I told you people not to sit on my fucking coats!! Get off my fucking coats!!" And shoving us and grabbing her coat. Jesus christ, I was mad. We got up, and I was about to say something when her friend got in my face too. So I said, "Fuck. What the hell is a fucking couch for? It's TO SIT ON! Not to throw your shit on!" And they started getting really mad and screeching at me, so I just turned around and gave them the finger/the hand and walked off. They tried to chase us but Greg butt-bumped them! It was hilarious. They stopped.

Soon after, we saw this other guy who wanted to leave so we called a tipsy taxi to pick us up. We went back to the room, but Greg left his phone in the tipsy taxi so we had to call again to get it picked up.

At one point Mo raged in panting and with a crazed look in his eye. I sat and eyed him cautiously. He ran to Greg and asked frantically, "Greg...man...do you have a condom?" Greg didn't have any, so he invaded Greg's stash and gave him one. Mo planted a large kiss on his cheek and rushed out. Greg and I looked at one another and laughed.

We watched a little TV, and it was about three by the time we got into the bed and started fooling around. We'd barely started even touching each other when all of a sudden Omid barges into the room.

"Oh, man you guys!" he laughed. He wasn't even drunk, Omid's just insane. "Jesus, ok ok, yo, so I was dancing with this chick, right? And she was like totally BOMB man! Oh my god! And she hadn't even been drinking! She was SOBER! And she was like totally into me! I'm going to have a SOBER friend, man! We were dancing like the whole time, Oh My GOD She was so hot! She was totally hotter than Ushma!" He stood up on a chair and started yanking the blankets around me, much to my horror, seeing as I had nothing on underneath.

"And guess what??? SHE KNOWS USHMA! OH my god, she's on facebook, let me show her to you, let me show her....Wait...like, how do you spell Tanya? T-A...TAN...TAN I? Y? A? Oh...Man THERE SHE IS! THERE SHE IS!" He was using Greg-roommate's laptop and hoisted it up at us, pointing madly. "awww... she doesn't look as hot there...but trust me...she's hot."

All of a sudden, Kaila and Greg-roommate burst in. Greg spewed out some story to us about a fight, but I couldn't make out what he was talking about because everyother word was fuckin' or bastid' or something. It was too confusing to me. All I know is that there were some people fighting over Kaila. It was made painfully obvious then that Greg-roommate had a veyr big crush on Kaila. She was standing there looking terrified and kept wanting to call the other boy who was involved to clarify things, but Greg kept trying to stop her. They went to sit across the room on Greg's bed. We'd heard part of the story before: Kaila was suposed to break up with John, but the night before she'd been spotted making out wildly with him against the door near the bathroom. Greg was appalled and confronted her. "I know you made out with him. " "I was comforting him! It's over now! Really!" "Don't lie! I saw you!"

we watched with mild interest, and Omid listened for a little bit and then returned to Tanya or Sasha or whatever. "OH MAN MAN...Greg...Greg...this girl is totally bomb though. Like seriously. She is like so hot! And she was like so into me! And she doesn't drink or anything! Or anything!"

Right before Greg and Kaila left, Mo burst in! He was wearing maroon sweatpants and was fingering his unmentionables somewhat tenderly. Nervously he collapsed on Greg's bed and said, "Man...yoiu guys... I just did this chick..."

OUr innocent freshman friends Greg Gaye and Omid went nuts, bombarding him with questions to find out what it was like. "Was it your first time??" "Yeah..I never done anything like that before." "How was it?" "It sucked!" "HAHAHA really??!" "Yeah...she was ugly! I went limp!" "HAHAHAHA!!!"

He began indulging us with the story. A young female expressed interest in him at the party and began kissing him (Omid cried, "Yeah! I totally remember that! I saw you guys! There were squishing noises coming from your direction! You were like, sucking face!" "I know...she was like, shoving her tongue down my throat..") He then decided that he would mate with her ("Well, so many girls keep wanting to do me, you know? And I'm always like, "No...no...so I figured...I guess I should say yes, you know?") He then took her to his room ("And now she knows me on facebook, too, man...I left to get a condom and she went on my computere and entered me!") and consummated their relationship (Well, I was fingering her, and it was weird, you know. It was really like juicy. I wanted to eat her out, but she wouldn't let me. Does that mean she has something to hide? Aren't they supposed to like that? Does that mean she had an STD?" He then attempted to fornicate with her but..."As soon as I put on the condom, I went limp!" So.."She just took it off and got on top of me and started grinding! And...it hurt, man! It's not supposed to hurt! I'm seriously questioning my sexuality, here! Maybe I should do a guy in the butt!" He then realized that she was not his type... "She was UGLY! Oh my god! She was really hideous! Her tits were like, weird, too! She kept turning on the light but I kept turning it off! (bleccch)!" So he ended their affair. "I just went limp...I left...I dunno, man. I dunno...Do you think I have an STD now? I don't think so. I was literally in there for like 2 seconds. Like 2 seconds, seriously."

Omid's response: " Man, that sucks! Why'd you do that?! Hey, you remember that girl I was dancing with tonight? You see her? She was BOMB huh??!"

Mo: "Who, that Indian girl? Man, Omid...she wasn't really that into you."

Omid: "WHAT!?!"

haha.