ARRRRRRR!!I am so mad.

Oh Shit! I wasn�t planning on using this diary as an angst-pot of unhappiness.

All right! Angst warning ahead! Don�t read this! Don�t read it at all! It�s not good! It�s evil! It�s pure vent-stuff! I always write shitty when I vent.

Mmmheregoes.

Kathy was in class, yeah? So then Juan ( a little bit of a loner) starts making fun of Tina, saying, �Hah! You�re such a loner, Tina!� Kathy laughed, as this was ironic. Then Tina got mad, and went to tell Wesley (GOD THIS IS EXACTLY LIKE LAST YEAR!!!!!) So they start yelling at her, �Ho-ho-ho! Look who�s a loner now!� When she was looking for her spider. And they did that fucking repeat thing they like, �Look who�s a loner! Look who�s a loner now! Look! Look! Look! Look! Look! 00000000Look!� And it makes me want to scream, �We got the point the first time!!!!!!� So Kathy went and explained herself to Tina, kindly, as she always does, and added, �So tell Wesley to shut his mouth.� Oops. Not like he didn�t deserve it, but then more shit.

And then at lunch they came up to her and cussed her out( same as last year, again) And you know what�s sad? It�s all about Tina, and yet where was she? She always starts shit but when it�s time for the action to happen, she�s always away, hiding like some fucking coward. And Wesley? He can talk big, but he wouldn�t fight if someone punched him in the face. He just flaps his huge goddamn mouth, making useless points. And he couldn�t even do that this time. He knew that this time, the skater guys and shit would be around, so he brought his most intimidating-looking friend, Kim Le, to talk. Kim is such a fat bitch. She was trying to chat me up about my mom the other day, (but quickly left once I deftly mentioned I did not have contact with her) trying to pretend she�s my friend or whatever, and now she comes and does this. I didn�t expect anything different from her anyway, I don�t trust anybody in that group of backstabbers. They surrounded her like they did last year to me. I had some horrible flashback thing. That was one of the worst moments of my life, when they did that to me. I looked in my diary. The event took place late March, early April, 2001. Argh. Over a year! And immediately my legs started to shake. My legs always shake when I get really, really nervous or angry.

My first thought was that it wasn�t fair. Kathy is the nicest person I know without being scary, practically. She is always trying to be fair. She talked to them calmly, but they kept coming at her. I thought, �Last year, I had to face them all by myself. It was horrible. How can I let my best friend have to face that? I have to help.� I guess a part of me wanted to make up for last year, too. I�ve regretted how I acted ever since that happened, and I guess I subconsciously wanted to have a chance to act it out again differently. But mostly I just wanted to defend my friend.

So I talked back. I yelled. They were saying, �Stay out of this! We aren�t talking to you.� But I replied, �Hey, this is about Tina. It isn�t about you or Kim Le, is it? But you�re sticking up for her. So why are you bugging me about it?� They didn�t really say anything about that after that, and I felt kind of triumphant I guess, but mostly angry. Hey Sexy was there, looking kind of uncomfortable, and gave me a moment of happiness when he asked for a cookie (I will update you on Hey Sexy later)

By this time a crowd had formed. I felt a little comforted. It was a circle fashioned half of skaters, half of valley bitches. When it was me, it had been me alone with the rest of them. It was mostly me and Kathy yelling to them. But then I guess I started a trend and other people, (actually only Michael) stuck up for her, too. Some of the skater guys were going, �hah hah! Fight!� and that bothered me, but some were standing around looking scary, and that�s almost as good as sticking up for her verbally. We were showing them, �Hey, you�re not going to get the best of her this time, you can�t get away with beating her up or anything because there�s more of us!�

After a while, they decided they weren�t getting anywhere and they left. I kind of sat sort of dejectedly. I was even more depressed than Kathy. (who was dancing around singing music from the Hives) I guess it was okay for her. The way we ought to have been thinking, I guess�the way I ought to have been thinking�is �Why should we let these brainless valley girls get us? We should not be angered by such stupidity.� I�m pretty sure she was thinking that. But I was really depressed. Now, as tensions had finally been fading, they hated me again. (not that I actually minded, really! I hated them just as much, and even when they were trying to start being nice I was disgusted by them!) And I couldn�t help thinking that it might be my fault that they didn�t like Kathy. After all, she had remained kind and loyal to me even after they had fucked me up last year and even talked back to them. They didn�t like her for that. I couldn�t help thinking that it was me who had inadvertently started all this. It hurt!!

I hated facing off with them. I did a couple days earlier, when I had a spat with fucking gangster mexican girls in my PE period. I hate them so much. I hate talking to them, I hate associating with them, I hate everything about them! And it was just so bugging me that now they were not only coming after me, but my friends! It HAS BEEN OVER A YEAR!!!!!!

I think I�ve decided to go to Indy. I can only hope that Emilie and her group will take me in, but at least I have a bigger chance there than here, where I won�t have any good friends next year. Too bad, there are some nice people (and HOT people) here at Piedmont, but what can I do�� there are just too many people here that make my life a living hell.

I don�t know what will happen tomorrow. I am half-scared, half-eager to see how things turn out. Euuch.

Saw Lee on the way home today. Gave me dirty sneery look from inside her mother�s white polished Lexus. Hate rich kids.

Vanessa owns only Bebe shirts.She wears many brand name things. She flies to LA regularly. She gets what she likes but never likes what she gets. She lives up on Sierra hill, along with most-popular-bitch Jessie, who gets fifty dollars for every time she walks her neighbors� dogs.

Oh gee. I suuuure can�t wait until I move into my apartment.

I will make a separate entry for the happy things.