I'm so frightened of losing kathy.

I'm not even as close to Em as I used to be, and even then I had the option of seeing her whenever I liked. Not so in Kathy's case. I don't know what to do. I think that she will find new friends, and change, and soon she'll be laughing, "Stephanie who?" to a friend while caressly tossing one of my unopened letters into the trash.Isn't that always the case?

I'm not even recieveing the letters that I expected. I've only gotten three letters from her. Two in one shot and after a long interval, another one. Not even emails. I mean she complains about having too much free time. I have practice and work and I manage to send more than she does. Can't she use some of that free time to contact me? She hasn't even called me once.

Oh god. It's begun. By the end of the summer, she'll have forgotten me completely. I'm relly sad about all of it and I hope that maybe it's just because she's settling in and after a bit I'llbe getting more. It's horrible and I don't think she misses me as much as i miss her.

I saw Small Faces the other day. I fell in love with both artists. First Allen, or Jonathan Mc-somefink. He looked like this shy, wonderful nice guy and portrayed one in the movie. Introverted, kind and quiet.... awwww. But then I went to his webpage and there he's sitting there with jelled hair, running a hand through it and smiling sexily. Ugh. I closed it right after I saw the word "model" on it. Phooeyyy!

The other one was much harder to find. The guy who portrayed Fabio's name is David Walker, and how many millions of those must there be meandering around? Plus he never was in any films after that, like one crappy sci-fi HBO movie called Arena. He doesn't have any sites devoted to him or anything. I think he might've died or no-onecared about him which sucks.

Also can't find anything on the guy in the Pink "just like a pill" video. THe one with the mohawk who we get a 2 second view of, but we get lots of views of his stomach.

Sucks that I like the weirdest most un-attention getting guys because even though it's nice because it makes me unique, it's impossible to find pics of them to ogle over. and info.

Also I like the guitarist from Our Lady Peace, but I haven't looked him up.

Probably there's more on him.

Maybe I will make my song list here, because it won't go anyplace. So i can't lose it. I'll probably forget about it, but okay.

Queen-we are the champions Eurythimics-sweet dreams/

M.Manson-sweet dreams/ Violent Femmes-blister in the sun /The Vapors-turning japanese /3rd Eye Blind-One Week/ Aerosmith-Dream on /Phantom Planet-California / Faith No More- we care a lot/ The Clash-Rudie Can't Fail/ Alanis Morrisette-Ironic/ Queen-Bohemian Rhapsody/ Rammstein-Angel / WHO?-It's the End of the World as we Know it/ Hoobustank/ Why are you running away? / (hahahaha, maybe take on me by aha? nooo)/ REm-losing my religion / Guns an Roses-live and let die/ Thursday-Cross out the eyes/ Goldfinger-uhhhh....help me out here/ Ash-Burn Baby Burn/ Finch-Letters to You/ Butch Walker / Tonic-if you could only see/ Midtown- Like A movie/ No use for a name-dumb reminders/ Norah Jones-that um, one new song/ Natalie Imburglia--mmm/ Static X- yeah.../ M Manson- Fight song/ Meredith brooks- Bitch/ Zager and Evan's-In the year 2525 <~ if anyone hasn't heard this song, you seriously need to it's most fabulous.

The girl with a black bob and fashionable black rimmed glasses steps out of her car. A blonde with a way too big sile, way too white teeth, way too red lipstick, and way too pink clothes with eyes slightly too far apart steps out of a nearly identical one next to her. In the background? A high school and a banner: 10 year reunion.

Pink freak: Jaaaaamiee!! EEEE!

Glasses :Oh. Betsy.

Pink Freak: Nice car!

Glasses: Yeah, I got it for about 1200 dollars less than yours. Plus mine got a higher rating in crash tests.

Pink Freak:

Glasses: Your warranty only lasts 5 years while mine has one of the best, 15 years. It's been given 4 stars and is more gas efficient. it runs on dreams and stars and has blasters and seat ejectors.

Pink Freak: OH, yeah!!!?? Well! I twent with Jerry Conner to the prom!

Glasses: You mean that Jerry Conner?

Jerry Conner: WHOOHOO! BETSY!!! (morbidly obese white trailer trash guy with mullet and old, beaten up van with football logos painted on it and a t-shirt riding up his huge stomach waves)

Ahhhaaaaaaaaaa. that's me. I'm so gonna kick ass at the high school reunion. Just watch Jessie's face... just watch. I can't wait to laugh at Wesley Chan's beer belly.