I'm reading this book called Girl and I really don't like it. I should stop reading it, actually, but I want to see if it gets any better near the end so maybe it isn't as bad as it seems.

I hope no boys read Girl. They'd really just get the wrong impression of us. It portrays girls as these shallow kids trying depserately to climb the social ladder. It makes us seem very coldhearted and bitchy. And some of us are, a lot of us really, but not all of us. Not me. But then, it's written by a guy. I do'nt think middle aged women or guys should write about what's in the mind of a teen girl, because they always get it all wrong. Only a teen girl knows what's going on inside a teen girl's head.

It makes punk girls seem pathetic and very uncool and shitty. It makes them nasty looking. However I hope all those teenybopper girls read Girl. maybe then they'd be disgusted and stop being posers. At least it doesn't glorify or glamourize the punk lifestyle and make it fashionable, like Seventeen. I'm never reading another teen magazine, ever ever again.

i think everything Does happen for a reason. But you can only see it much, much later. In retrospect, I'm glad Wesley and the viets came after me. (doesn't that sound like a band? Wesley and the Viets.) Because if they hadn't, I wouldn't have started hanging out with Kathy and the boys as much, and maybe Kathy and me wouldn't even be as close. I might not even be the rock freak I am. But then again, I probably would because if that didn't make me go punk, the divorce definitely would. If they hadn't divorced, then I would have less freedom, and I would still me miserable and a slave to that bitch. I'd probably still get beaten a lot and I wouldn't have a lot of things I have now. And then, i already told you how Steven was a good thing, in a way.

I don't understand how moving here is a good thing, though. I also don't understand how kathy moving away could be a good thing. It's really hard. Maybe later I'll later look back and think of all the reasons why things are better now but I can't imagine how moving from my old house and having kathy move away are good. Making me tougher? more independent? I don't know. Whatever it is, It's done.

The Russians are trashing my house. Our yard is a mess. THey're letting everything grow haywire, totally out of control. I am so going over there and cleaning that place up. I'm so ashamed. I'm so sad. Our beautiful yard.... is going to waste. It's absolutely horrifying. I'm about ready to cry whenever I go there.

i hope kathy doesn't hate me for this but it's my diary, after all. I don't like her mom. Of course kathy does, it's her mom, but I can't help it. She took her so far away and she said some pretty nasty things to me. Like I'm some bad influence and totally horrible. I've been through a lot of hard stuff too and she should recognize that. I don't believe that crap that she hasn't talked to my mom in ages. How can she say, then, that "Your mom misses you, you should call her?" That's bullshit.

I am very insecure. Now Kathy's not here I think she hates me. Does she dislike me? Does being around me annoy her? Am I annoying? Am I hateful? Am I a good friend? Oh god! What if she has had time to consider, there, and she really hates my stinkin guts or is beginning to not like me?

I don't know what to do. She has said that at one time she did not appreciate me as a friend. I didn't even notice that time! Not really, I don't think. Am I so dense? So if that happens again, I won't be able to recognize it and our friendship will fall apart because of my ignorance! Oh, why am I so stupid?

She never talks slang.