i was trying to write an account of my life the past few weeks in my notebook but my hand got tired. This is easier.

THis entry is going to be mighty long. After all, I have many many hours to fill. It is 1:53 AM. I have insomnia and have not slept in days. I gotta do SOMETHING.

Haven't written cuz with kathy around don't feel the need....gawd i'm repeating myself. Go read my fucking notebook. goddamit

Um, we went to Juan's house the other day. We've went a few times actually. It's pretty cool there. Juan's a nice guy, even if he does play too much X-box. He talked about his fights to us and his girlfrined, Lily. He has an awesome room. He totally spray-painted the walls.With lots of art and shit.....I wish I could do something..... anything to my walls. I also never knew that Juan was such a good artist. Juan has I LOVE LILY spray painted in green acros his closet door. He has artowrk that he's proud of on his walls. He's into superhero artwork. He has many posters out of WIZARD mag of Top Cow, DC and MArvel characters posted above his bed. He has a green lamp from IKEA his mother gave him from his birthday. He has a small bed and a mattress on the floor on the left of it. He doesn't like light a whole lot, so his room is pretty dark. He gave Lily a bottle of his blood as a present. He thinks that's cool. I probably would have too a year or two ago but I've grown up and that's just plain fucking stupid.

His brother's name is Juan Miguel and his name is Juan. I don't know why this is. It's odd. Juan showed us his room the Second time we went to his house. The first time was before kathy left so there was a long pause in between times. Juan Miguel's room is bigger, I think, or maybe it just looks it because it isn't so dark. I'm telling you all these details becaues I have no life and nothing whatsoever better to do. Exactly how much can you cut and paste? Just wondering.

Juan's house has IKEA furniture everywhere. His kitchen clock is the sahpe of a blue coffee cup with a silver metal spiral coming out forthe steam. It's Ikean. So is every item of furniture in his living room. He has a big TV. He has a piano there. Juan loves jazz, like me. He can play the piano, the guitar, the sax, and somewhat the trumpet. He taught himself three of those four insturments. He is very good at the guitar and piano even though he never was instructed. The beautiful music he was playing made me think he was treally sexy for a bit. It was nice to hear a piano again. I really miss mine. He sounded so wonderful, I just wanted to die.On the guitar, he can play many incubus songs.He played for us on our second visit. ON our second visit, we didn't go straight to his house. we stopped at kathy's house. nearby we found a baby bird that had fallen out of it's nest. it's feathers were falling out and it looked diseased so we took it in it had a broken foot. Then we went to her old house. The lady there was a total bitch and was like, "well, your new house must not be very big right? because your parents were divorced right? and you don't have any money right? you know I would never have bought this house if I had known that so many people had lived in it." What the fuck. I washed her hands in my sink, got a box for the fucking bird cuz it was shitting all over the place and then we set off. WE went to my house. For a while I've been totally depressed because the fucking Russians are ruining my garden, but they asked for our gardener's number and are going to fix it up, hopefully, so i can forgive them....somewhat. we went to juan's. we fed the bird soy milk from our fingers. We took care of it all day. Juan has a TV in his garage. It switches off automatically and the picture shifts to the right. it's really bad. He has two old couches there. Theya re in front of his X.Box. On top of the TV, there is a boombox. he plays jazz cDs in it as well as tapes that he's made by recording his favorite songs. I used to do that a lot. Under the TV in the shelves where his X-BOx is is a pile of comics. There's Spiderman, the fantastic four, silver surfer, gambit,the hulk, and all of the others. superheroes. The pile's pretty high.

His mom bought us in and out for lunch. We named hte bird fran after kathy's stepmom. We talked to Juan all day. He talked too much about fights. How he got in them. But we talked about how superficial and fake popular people are and how they talk too much. They always talk and talk, but they never do anything. They'll totally cuss you out but they'll never lay a hand on you. oh god...i'm bleeding from my leg how did that happen. I remember a while ago, kathy told me about a dream she had. She said, "I dreamt I was with Juan, and I said, 'It's really you who I liked all along. I never liked Justin.' so we started making out but then we had to stop because Justin came." "That's it? That's the end?" "Yeah." We talked about dreams, and I told Kathy to tell Juan that one. She acted confused and later when asked she said she'd forgotten all about it. Juan played a game where you're this person and you kill things with a sword. He killed a god. THen he played UFC, which is ultimate fighting championship. It has men boxing, except they get to kick each other and shit. I asked why it was so ultimate in that case, all you had to do was keep kickin' at the other guy's nuts. Juan said there were rules. WE played a Mortal Kombat kind of game. It was so detailed, the characters blinked. I used this drunken master who was really neat, and I almost beat Juan, almost but not quite. Juan liked all the girls in the game. He said they were all hot. He said Beti was hot. He said Lily was hot. Mr.s Palma brought us an eyedropper to feed it at around 5 or 6. I fed it too quickly. It choked and died. I killed it. We made a grave for it. WE made a marker, here lies fran, and put rocks around it and buried her. it was great.

Then Juan's mom took us to Valley Fair in her black Volkswagen with black leather to buy juan Miguel a watch.

They're named afte their grandfather. We bought his watch at swatch. Mrs. Palma took forever to pick the right one, so we hung out and watched the people walking at the lower level. There was this amazingly fat guy with legs so pasty it was frightening. He kept talking to himself and drinking his coke and eating his cookie. It looked like he was having severe heartburn. WE think that he was insane. We wonder who brought him to the mall and put him there if he was an insane person. He couldn't be homeless. Because homeless people aren't tha tfat.

whoa well i fell asleep. i used the cat as my support.

Hi again. And then the next time we went, we went without a bird. We came and knocked on the door, and Juan let us in after a long pause. We'd woken him up. He shaved off all his hair. He said it was OK, and Lily didn't know about it. He said Lily wouldn't care. He said Lily cut the back of her hair short. He showed us how short. And then he said that he didn't care. He let us have ice, for we were hot. Then we sat around his kitchen table that has white tiles on it and talked a bit. He had chicken on his table. A brand I"d never heard of. Juan said it was really good. It'd been there for a day but I tried some anyway. juan said the meat wasn't that great, but the skin was fantastic. I thought it was pretty good. It had some weird mascot. I think it was a bee. Then his mom showed up and took us to a sushi restaurant. She took us to Sushi King. Kathy's leaving tomorrow at 9 0'clock at night. July 25th, at 9 o'clock. I think I'm going to die without her. She took us to Sushi King and Juan and everybody go there very often so they know the people well. I got an egg roe sushi, but kathy didn't like it so i wound up eating the whole thing. the roe got everywhere and i had to keep cleaning it up. then we each got a salmon skin hand roll. Juan's mom told us not to get married because it sucks. Then she told us that the owner of this place's sister vowed that her son would work there when he got older, so he was forced to work. He eventually dropped out of college to become a manager for the restaurant. I felt sorry for him, because it seemed like his fate had already been decided for him, but then she added that he'd wanted to drop out because sushi king was more fun than college. WE also got tempura sushi, kathy really liked it. I liked the clock there. I got a look at the bill which was about 68 dollars and I felt so guilty I was going to faint. Kathy wore our black masks all the way to Juan's that day and we were half afraid we'd get tan lines where our masks were, it was such a hot day. We went back to Juan's, and he played on his X-BOx. We lay next to him, just watching. Ashley from the tennis team came. Ashley seems okay. Once I was mixed up and cried, "But it's not my turn" during a drill and then she cried "It doesn't matter" later I let her go ahead of me, and she said, "But don't you want to have your turn" or something and i said, "But it doesn't matter, does it" in a cold dead voice and she said, "well, you're the one who was complaining about it." I didn't like that. Also the other day Mai asked to rally with me, but I got stuck with Theresa instead because Theresa was assigned to Ashley but AShley put on a face when she saw that. So An went to play with AShley saying, "well, you know, because she doesn't really want to play with you. know what I mean?" Of course i knew, she thought she was better than me or something, which is pretty disgusting. The popular kids run the team, because they're rich and have the biggest mouths, and they always think they're better than us. Mai is nice, though. Ashley came and left in her big truck and then we asked Juan if we could play this rollerblading graffitti game, and Kathy and I played that happilily until it was time to go. We put on our masks and skated to Piedmont and I decided that I didn't want to play tennis because I remembered everything but my tennis shoes and i wasn't about to play in my low tops. So I went back home instead and did some shopping for my dad i promised to do, but didn't because I'd woken up late that morning, later than i'd planned to go with kathy to juan's, so i didn't have time. I went after instead. I bought strawberry guava juice, a six pack. also two cartons of muschrooms which my dad said were bad, and a two green peppers. The meal he made that night actually tasted a lot like shit. It was green peppers and chicken (what kind of a combination is that) and the egg-pork dish but he cooked it funky so i didn't like it much. he also amde disgusting fried pork patties with egg, that tasted like the other dish except hard and burnt. I steamed myself a carton of mushrooms and put it in the green pepper black bean sauce, so those were good. I watched the Godfather that night. It was good. I didn't have the heart to tell him it sucked. Tonight he made steamed black bean catfish (from the live tank) and a vegetable dish.. broccolli, chicken and mushrooms. Only problem was the fish was small and bony and there wasn't much meat to go around. But tonight's dinner was good. I'd forgotten my keys, so I called my dad and waited for him to come back on the steps in front of the apartment. I finished one of the 6 strawberry guava cans. I called him again, and as soon as i did saw him come around the corner in a shitty ford focus. It was his rental car. It totally sucked. Since he got in that accident, his car was in the shop for repairs. It came out the other day looking new, they waxed and detailed it, it's really nice looking. but the same day it got out it got shit on by birds. go figure. That was my day wednesday, two wednesdays ago. No, the wednesday before last. Kathy and I told Juan that we were going to his house again on thursday but we didn't because kathy was feeling tired. More on that next entry.