2003-03-13 - 11:00 p.m.

What would have happened if I hadn't blown off Brandon last year? What if we'd kept talking? What if we'd still been as good friends, what if he'd had that liking for me when my social status rose? Or what if HIS social life fell during that time? What would have happened if it had come to the point where I wouldn't have had to worry about ruining his social life to get with him?

What if? What if? What if?

Why does it seem like Brandon and I get along so damn well?

No really, I mean whenever we talk, and this has always been the case, even since last year, we're both brutally honest with each other and we can carry on a conversation for hours. I've never been able to accomplish that with any guy I liked. He just makes it so easy.

Do you think Brandon is really the one meant for me?

What do you think of this convo?

foo manchu too (7:49:27 PM): yo!

broos18 (7:49:30 PM): yo

foo manchu too (7:49:38 PM): Join our group of happiness!

broos18 (7:49:45 PM): what?

foo manchu too (7:50:12 PM): for kennett

foo manchu too (7:50:14 PM): the rome thang

broos18 (7:50:21 PM): who?

foo manchu too (7:50:28 PM): uh... just me and krystie, so far

foo manchu too (7:51:06 PM): It works! Ms kennett likes krystie. I report, you report, we all report, iss good.

broos18 (7:51:47 PM): shouldn't there be a bigger group?

foo manchu too (7:51:56 PM): yeah, uh... we're working on that

foo manchu too (7:52:01 PM): any ideas?

broos18 (7:52:10 PM): not really

broos18 (7:52:26 PM): Commotion out tomorrow, right?

foo manchu too (7:52:31 PM): yuh-huh

foo manchu too (7:52:36 PM): all authors get free issues! Yaay

broos18 (7:52:47 PM): rock on

broos18 (7:52:54 PM): you're selling them this time?

foo manchu too (7:53:18 PM): yep

foo manchu too (7:53:51 PM): Not for profit really.... the money just goes into making the next one and paying off debts from the previous 2

broos18 (7:54:12 PM): alright

broos18 (7:54:16 PM): is the cover the same?

foo manchu too (7:54:20 PM): no

broos18 (7:55:33 PM): I'm looking forward to seeing it

broos18 (7:55:40 PM): I'll be back at nine

foo manchu too (7:55:44 PM): ok bye

broos18 (7:55:45 PM): must watch TV

broos18 (7:55:47 PM): later

broos18 signed off at 7:55:50 PM.

jaxmirkinrevenge (9:40:25 PM): enjoy your television goodness?

broos18 (9:41:03 PM): oh yeah

jaxmirkinrevenge (9:41:21 PM): all right

broos18 (9:42:05 PM): when did you print all the copies of the commotion?

jaxmirkinrevenge (9:42:13 PM): my dad's doing it now

jaxmirkinrevenge (9:42:31 PM): i couldn't go; last time the janitor caught me

broos18 (9:43:09 PM): oh...

broos18 (9:43:12 PM): darn

jaxmirkinrevenge (9:43:17 PM): yup!

jaxmirkinrevenge (9:44:11 PM): let's talk about something important.

broos18 (9:44:21 PM): okay

jaxmirkinrevenge (9:44:24 PM): I feel like being very serious and important suddenly.

broos18 (9:44:43 PM): alright.

broos18 (9:44:50 PM): what do you want to talk about?

jaxmirkinrevenge (9:45:02 PM): you decide

broos18 (9:45:25 PM): okay..

broos18 (9:45:29 PM): I thought you had something to say

jaxmirkinrevenge (9:45:34 PM): nope

broos18 (9:45:39 PM): okay

broos18 (9:45:41 PM): umm

broos18 (9:46:05 PM): I had an idea for a Badly Drawn Boy article

broos18 (9:46:12 PM): but I don't know how I'd go about it

jaxmirkinrevenge (9:46:19 PM): what was the idea

broos18 (9:47:23 PM): I was thinking of two different ones

broos18 (9:47:29 PM): one would just be about him

broos18 (9:47:34 PM): another would be comparing the albums

broos18 (9:47:39 PM): kind of like three separate reviews

jaxmirkinrevenge (9:47:40 PM): you could just blend them into one

jaxmirkinrevenge (9:47:51 PM): open with info about him, and the launch into his career

jaxmirkinrevenge (9:48:00 PM): I'm open to any suggestions, at this point

broos18 (9:48:11 PM): maybe just kind of a look into his work?

broos18 (9:48:25 PM): You know, not really into specifics

jaxmirkinrevenge (9:48:30 PM): yeah

broos18 (9:48:34 PM): well, song-wise

jaxmirkinrevenge (9:48:37 PM): sounds good

jaxmirkinrevenge (9:49:04 PM): I found out how to find out just about anybody's address using the public records

jaxmirkinrevenge (9:49:14 PM): and I was wondering if I should drop Gideon Yago a line

broos18 (9:49:58 PM): if you don't mind me asking

broos18 (9:50:05 PM): who is Gideon Yago?

jaxmirkinrevenge (9:50:30 PM): oh, that's right.. you don't have mtv

jaxmirkinrevenge (9:50:36 PM): He's an MTV reporter.

jaxmirkinrevenge (9:51:16 PM): He's very, very good. he has his own show, The Wrap, where he covers music/rock news and it's very interesting

jaxmirkinrevenge (9:51:33 PM): Also, recently he went to report in Kuwait, braving Iraqis, sand, and other nasty things

broos18 (9:52:37 PM): hey, is that that guy with the glasses?

jaxmirkinrevenge (9:52:41 PM): yeah

broos18 (9:52:49 PM): I've seen him a few times

jaxmirkinrevenge (9:53:11 PM): yea.... i had him as my icon for a little while on my other sn

broos18 (9:54:04 PM): i see

jaxmirkinrevenge (9:54:59 PM): and I could find practically any other celebrity. I just think he'd be insteresting, i mean, seeing as he used to have a zine when he was in high school and look where he is now

jaxmirkinrevenge (9:55:10 PM): And more available than somebody like Britney Spears

broos18 (9:55:19 PM): yeah

broos18 (9:55:31 PM): It fits the zine

jaxmirkinrevenge (9:55:40 PM): I was also thinking of finding Aaron Cometbus, the guy who has the most popular underground zine in the world, Cometbus

jaxmirkinrevenge (9:58:32 PM): You should check out The Cometbus Omnibus. It's a really highly acclaimed book and it's damn interesting

broos18 (9:59:09 PM): I'll remember to check it out

broos18 (9:59:22 PM): I'm in the middle of a few books Kennett recommended

jaxmirkinrevenge (9:59:30 PM): like what?

broos18 (9:59:41 PM): The Reader

jaxmirkinrevenge (10:01:35 PM): ....and?

broos18 (10:01:53 PM): sorry, I was taking my temp

broos18 (10:01:53 PM): it

broos18 (10:02:00 PM): s this book about this 15 year old kid

broos18 (10:02:09 PM): he gets hepatitus and gets real ill

broos18 (10:02:25 PM): particularly on his way home one day, and this woman saves him

broos18 (10:02:48 PM): After he gets better, he goes to find out who she is and to say thanks

broos18 (10:03:03 PM): and they end up becoming "lovers"

jaxmirkinrevenge (10:03:09 PM): sounds pretty

jaxmirkinrevenge (10:03:14 PM): unusual

broos18 (10:03:24 PM): then it goes to part two after she leaves unexpectedly

broos18 (10:03:30 PM): and he becomes a lawyer

broos18 (10:03:43 PM): she's on trial with a bunch of other women for working in concentration camps

jaxmirkinrevenge (10:03:46 PM): and they find each other again and fall in love?

broos18 (10:04:08 PM): and supposedly putting a bunch of women and children in a church that got bombed, refusing to let them out

broos18 (10:04:13 PM): I don't think they fall in love again

jaxmirkinrevenge (10:04:14 PM): he defends her to pay her back, and such and such?

jaxmirkinrevenge (10:04:16 PM): oh

broos18 (10:04:19 PM): no

broos18 (10:04:22 PM): He's on the opposing side

jaxmirkinrevenge (10:04:26 PM): oooh

broos18 (10:04:29 PM): she's there strictly by luck

broos18 (10:04:45 PM): it doesn't seem like the two parts totally tie in yet, except for the fact that he knows where she went

jaxmirkinrevenge (10:05:04 PM): not bad

broos18 (10:05:20 PM): she's 36, by the war

broos18 (10:05:24 PM): if that makes any difference

jaxmirkinrevenge (10:05:52 PM): ech

jaxmirkinrevenge (10:05:59 PM): a bit of one

broos18 (10:06:01 PM): she's hella trippy

broos18 (10:06:02 PM): too

broos18 (10:06:08 PM): like she makes him read to her

broos18 (10:06:34 PM): and plus when he first said he cared about her more then school, she demanded that he do his work or they wouldn't have sex

broos18 (10:07:07 PM): REAL weird lady

jaxmirkinrevenge (10:07:09 PM): I know it's trippy but it sounds actually pretty cool

jaxmirkinrevenge (10:07:14 PM): Is it? Or just stupid/weird

broos18 (10:07:39 PM): the story is pretty good

broos18 (10:07:47 PM): its easy reading

jaxmirkinrevenge (10:07:54 PM): cool

jaxmirkinrevenge (10:07:56 PM): i've been wanting forever to read Fight Club and that author's other books, and the sequel to trainspotting.

broos18 (10:08:07 PM): what is trainspotting about?

broos18 (10:08:15 PM): I've wanted to see that movie for a while

jaxmirkinrevenge (10:09:05 PM): living in the ghettoes of ireland, practically broke, in a land of violence and crime and negligence, while being high on coke the entire time

broos18 (10:09:50 PM): nice..

broos18 (10:09:51 PM): real nice

jaxmirkinrevenge (10:10:01 PM): hah! I suppose

jaxmirkinrevenge (10:10:12 PM): It's like something the Streets could be the soundtrack for

broos18 (10:10:26 PM): totally

jaxmirkinrevenge (10:10:54 PM): I forgot completely that you've been sick.... are you doing better, and get some rest today from school?

jaxmirkinrevenge (10:11:05 PM): i'm sorry

broos18 (10:11:23 PM): I don't feel too well, but I'll be back tomorrow

broos18 (10:11:25 PM): no fever

jaxmirkinrevenge (10:11:31 PM): that's good

broos18 (10:11:40 PM): I'm coughing real bad right now

broos18 (10:11:46 PM): and my voice sounds real bad

broos18 (10:12:01 PM): it sounds worse than it really is, though

jaxmirkinrevenge (10:12:03 PM): tsk...

jaxmirkinrevenge (10:12:23 PM): yea...you know Crystal Lui? She's been croaking for the past week

broos18 (10:12:31 PM): wow

broos18 (10:12:44 PM): The weird thing was that I didn't wake up with a bad voice

broos18 (10:12:55 PM): it just happened on Wednesday

broos18 (10:12:59 PM): I sounded perfectly fine

jaxmirkinrevenge (10:13:06 PM): and it just kind of developed?

broos18 (10:13:11 PM): yeah

jaxmirkinrevenge (10:14:07 PM): too bad.... I really hope you get better soon

broos18 (10:14:50 PM): thanks

jaxmirkinrevenge (10:14:53 PM): Kind of a n abrupt change of subject here: If you got into a relationship with a girl who wasn't into getting really sexual, would you just break it off with her, or keep it going and restrain your urges?

broos18 (10:15:27 PM): and I wanted to get sexual in the relationship is the assumption, of course?

jaxmirkinrevenge (10:15:52 PM): that's the impression i got from you, when we were talking last time

broos18 (10:16:17 PM): I'll explain myself, though the argument may sound weak

broos18 (10:16:23 PM): I know that I am a real horny guy

jaxmirkinrevenge (10:16:28 PM): hahaha

broos18 (10:16:40 PM): but I'd want to be around a girl that didn't want to have sex, just so I wouldn't worry about that

broos18 (10:16:46 PM): right now, all I want is a good relationship

broos18 (10:16:56 PM): I'm worried more about the relationship than the sex

jaxmirkinrevenge (10:17:09 PM): i'm proud of you.

broos18 (10:17:31 PM): I can't totally describe that without sounding real weir

broos18 (10:17:31 PM): d

jaxmirkinrevenge (10:17:40 PM): No, you sounded fine

broos18 (10:17:59 PM): so to answer the question

broos18 (10:18:02 PM): I have the urges

broos18 (10:18:09 PM): but if I was around a girl who didn't want to do it

broos18 (10:18:12 PM): I wouldn't push it

broos18 (10:18:15 PM): I'd actually be glad

broos18 (10:18:20 PM): because if we did it

jaxmirkinrevenge (10:18:26 PM): awkward?

(IM Window Cleared)

broos18 (10:37:02 PM): LIke with Derek or Erika or Ryan(this freshman guy)

broos18 (10:37:04 PM): just anyone we both knew

broos18 (10:37:12 PM): Nader always gets invited to parties

broos18 (10:37:14 PM): I never do

broos18 (10:37:27 PM): he hung out with Derek and Erika and all those people at parties

broos18 (10:37:50 PM): and Ryan Bell, that freshman guy is on our soccer team

broos18 (10:38:03 PM): he's probably my favorite guy on the team

broos18 (10:38:11 PM): and he told Nader about his party, not me

broos18 (10:38:20 PM): I wasn't at practice, but I see him often enough

broos18 (10:38:31 PM): it's just like is Nader that much more of an interesting person

broos18 (10:38:32 PM): or what

broos18 (10:38:38 PM): I don't think I'm that dull

broos18 (10:38:40 PM): or that invisible

broos18 (10:38:49 PM): but why does it seem like all to often I get passed by?

jaxmirkinrevenge (10:39:00 PM): I have no idea

jaxmirkinrevenge (10:39:16 PM): I used to always wonder that! Why was I always left out?

jaxmirkinrevenge (10:39:22 PM): Maybe it's because of other people?

jaxmirkinrevenge (10:39:30 PM): Like you having tentative relationships with theM?

jaxmirkinrevenge (10:39:39 PM): So then he'd be afraid to invite you for fear of conflict?

broos18 (10:40:14 PM): but like all three of us are on the team

broos18 (10:40:20 PM): it's mainly the three of us

broos18 (10:40:24 PM): we're the "three amigos"

broos18 (10:40:27 PM): yet I'm not invited

jaxmirkinrevenge (10:41:51 PM): I don't know... really....

jaxmirkinrevenge (10:42:04 PM): That's just messed up

jaxmirkinrevenge (10:42:11 PM): I don't know how people can think like that

broos18 (10:42:46 PM): I know

broos18 (10:43:05 PM): I was wondering

broos18 (10:43:11 PM): Damn, I'm so random

broos18 (10:43:33 PM): are you still just as pissed at Stephen Delos Santos as you were in 8th/9th grade?

jaxmirkinrevenge (10:44:06 PM): ugh, he's just a loser

jaxmirkinrevenge (10:44:20 PM): I'm not particularly angry at him for any reason, it's just he's really damn annoying

broos18 (10:44:38 PM): okay

broos18 (10:44:50 PM): I just remember that you'd go nuts any time someone would say "stephen"

broos18 (10:44:52 PM): stuff like that

jaxmirkinrevenge (10:45:04 PM): i was a loser

jaxmirkinrevenge (10:45:09 PM): Forget about how I was like freshman year

jaxmirkinrevenge (10:45:13 PM): I was a very messed up, angry kid

broos18 (10:45:24 PM): Okay

jaxmirkinrevenge (10:45:44 PM): wow; so much has changed

broos18 (10:45:48 PM): I know

jaxmirkinrevenge (10:46:05 PM): both of us are completely different

broos18 (10:46:39 PM): we know what it's like to be left out

broos18 (10:47:06 PM): which is why we are better people

jaxmirkinrevenge (10:47:07 PM): But apparently you haven't quite recovered

jaxmirkinrevenge (10:47:11 PM): We have to remedy this.

broos18 (10:47:11 PM): I haven't

broos18 (10:47:21 PM): I am just too mopey of a person

broos18 (10:47:29 PM): It's like I like being depressed at times

jaxmirkinrevenge (10:47:33 PM): You need to get out more! Socialize!

broos18 (10:47:38 PM): I used to

broos18 (10:47:50 PM): It's just all the people I hang out with now are freakin introverts or something

broos18 (10:48:01 PM): I used to hang out at Nader's every Friday night until he stopped calling me

broos18 (10:48:08 PM): now he acts like he just "forgot" or something

jaxmirkinrevenge (10:48:15 PM): Oh, I just sat with people I fucking hated or completely by myself the first 3 months of this school year

jaxmirkinrevenge (10:48:22 PM): I didn't do a damn thing, I was completely lethargic@

jaxmirkinrevenge (10:48:32 PM): I mean, I only had one friend and now what was I gonna do?

jaxmirkinrevenge (10:48:41 PM): But I fixed it. you can. It's not like they're the only assholes in the sea.

broos18 (10:49:08 PM): yeah

broos18 (10:49:21 PM): I feel I want to make new friends

broos18 (10:49:31 PM): but being stabbed along with being shy

jaxmirkinrevenge (10:49:32 PM): but what? you don't know how to let go?

broos18 (10:49:40 PM): I'm just not willing to take the steps anymore

jaxmirkinrevenge (10:49:42 PM): And you're afraid of rejection again?

broos18 (10:49:45 PM): yeah

jaxmirkinrevenge (10:49:52 PM): You've gotta get over it at some point

broos18 (10:50:01 PM): it's why I don't do many things I'm not sure of

broos18 (10:50:03 PM): rejection

jaxmirkinrevenge (10:50:17 PM): Just put it behind you. They're real jerks

jaxmirkinrevenge (10:50:37 PM): Like I don't really have to worry about that because I have something like 4 separate groups I hang out with

jaxmirkinrevenge (10:50:46 PM): If one rejects me, fine, I've always got something to turn back on

broos18 (10:50:59 PM): yeah

broos18 (10:51:09 PM): that's what life was like for me in 8th grade

broos18 (10:51:13 PM): I knew all those groups

broos18 (10:51:19 PM): and I hung out with that one big one

broos18 (10:51:27 PM): but I could've moved around

broos18 (10:51:31 PM): now

broos18 (10:51:33 PM): shoot

broos18 (10:51:37 PM): I don't have anything

broos18 (10:51:42 PM): I've isolated myself

jaxmirkinrevenge (10:51:44 PM): really, brandon

broos18 (10:51:45 PM): and I hate it

jaxmirkinrevenge (10:51:54 PM): you'll be an isolated loner forever if you don't take some risks

jaxmirkinrevenge (10:52:11 PM): I'm fetching you first thing at lunch tomorrow and you'll be my apprentice

broos18 (10:52:48 PM): sounds like a plan

broos18 (10:52:53 PM): I think I better get going to bed

broos18 (10:52:58 PM): no use staying up real late

broos18 (10:53:10 PM): see you tomorrow

jaxmirkinrevenge (10:53:14 PM): seeya

broos18 signed off at 10:53:21 PM.

Looks like I'll be spending more time with him.

I really didn't mind him ranting to me. I used to dump every little thing on him! All the time... I put my entire life on him last year. I was so fucked up.I figure I can only repay the favor now that he's the one who's messed up.

What will this relationship turn into?

Will it replace him? will it be the thing to finally get me away and over Greg?

I'm looking forward to this. More drama... just what I need.. ::sigh::