Greg's gone for 3 days. Band trip.

I can't believe how stupid I am. I staye up til 4 Thursday night because it was the last night before he left. And I am missing him like mad.

This relationship really is too too too unhealthy. it's been ongoing flirting and stupidity for...what... 6 months now? That is crazy. And it's the longest thing I've ever had going with a guy. Even though it really isn't anything at all. Or is it?

Do I like things the way they are? if I try to change them, I risk the chance of screwing it all up, which is exactly why I'm not going to, ever. Every girl who's tried to do that has gotten turned down, HARD, followed by a nice bout of ignoring and hating.

Maybe the only reason he likes me at all is to get some sexual satisfaction out of me without having to worry about commitment, being tied down, etc etc. because he thinks I'm not looking for a relationship and the fact he knows I know he doesn't want one.

Am I looking for a relationship?

I am, though. I don't know. I guess I don't really NEED one and I'm kind of not eager to develop one with Greg because I don't want anything to happen and then he'd hate me.

aaahhhhhhhhh. look what he wrote me.

: I want to fuck Stephanie madly and have her make unhibited love to me until she is holding on to her head board screaming until I am completly and utterly spent.

Nice.

Anyway he got all overprotective last night, which was sooo cute. You know what's scary? I have 76 pages worth of convos with Greg. Eyie!

I went to Indy's performance last night but kind of regretted it. Becker was ok, but ehhh. It's not like he's really hot or anything. And he was kind of dull. Or maybe I should have liked him. If I wasn't thinking about you-know-who the whole damn time. And the play was pretyt pathetic. THe first half was absolutely painful. Acting: bad. Dancing: bad. Singing: bad. The second half got progressively better. But I must say, our plays are ten times better, and our sets are 20 times better. I liked their costumes, though. Ernestine has gotten really fat and pretty ugly. SHe had a LOT of makeup on. It was pretty disgusting.

REJOICE! I danced around the whole apartment yesterday in my skivvies because I weighed 100 pounds!!!! I probably weigh less now, in fact, because I haven't had a thing to eat besides a Cadbury egg since then, which was about 16 hours ago.

One thing that bugged the hell out of me was when Greg said,"Take note of my quotes, look how fabulous they are" and I said, "I think I do quotes ok." and he called me arrogant!!! Arrogant! ME! Look at HIM! If he doesn't have a fucking huge ego, I don't know who does! As matter of fact, I happen to know that I do quotes pretty damn well. There were a couple of essays where Kennett was very strict about them. AND, AND when I did my Joy Luck Club notes, she read them aloud to all the classes, saying, "Listen to this! This Stephanie Foo is a great writer! This is how I want you to do quotes!" I'm a damn good quoter I tell you! If I was a shit quoter, she wouldn't have gone through all that trouble. IN your fucking FACE. I didn't want to say that last night, though, because he just would have said, "Kennett doesn't know a thing," throw it back in my face, and ignore me. Damn it.

Augustin is still being a bitch. I want to kill him.