You know what's really strange? I can sing okay! I can sing pretty well, actually, when I actually put effort into it. But nobody knows that. Nobdoy at all knows what I sounds like. I only sing when nobody's home. I want to try out for drama next year but I'm scared to sing or act in front of everybody.

I'm all sung out, tonight. Bllechh.

Oh, this hating-father method does wonders for my weight. I never go out and I eat a little sumthin' at night and it's all good. Greg helped out a lot too. WHen he was around. Go online and talk and talk and talk to him and forget to eat until it's 3 in the morning and too late by then to be bothered about fixing something, and go to sleep. When I step on the scale and see myself in the 90's I could just scream.

I am really really nasty to him. AND HE DESERVES IT. I know he went on a date tonight. Because whenever he says that he's going "Out" and won't tell me where? I automatically know that he's been somewhere he should NOT have been.

what I don't deserve, is I don't deserve not having a fucking chariot. I need a car. I need to be able to drive. I want to go places. But I don't want to go places with HIM. What do I do, what do I do?

No way will I forgive him for this. No way.

Ever

Just like I will never, ever, never, never, never, ever ever forgive him for selling my piano.

NEVER!

Oh god, I gotta stop this, it's getting me too upset. It's been a year, and thinking of my piano still makes me cry. It's fucking stupid.

It was a beautiful piano, though. And it was mine..

AGH

Oh, well, I might as well keep going, seeing as though I've successfully made myself fully depressed. I miss Greg like a stupid stupid crazy stupid person. It's not not not healthy at all, because I know that all I'm going to get is hurt out of this, and by then my diary will be chock-full of "I love Greg" entries and then what will I do? I like this diary. I'll have to get a new one or delete everything. PAH. And that will suck. I'll probably get a new one. And then it will take another year and a half for me to be able to read any of these entries. I know, because I know myself too too well. But for now, I'm trying to not like him so much. I really am. I'm trying to tell myself that I can't feel this strongly about any guy, or it will be my downfall, and oh, I don't want to be weakened to this point by ANYBODY. But....but.....

But nothing works. ANd I can't help it. And I hate myself for it, I do. But....

Guh.