I want to heal

I want to feel

Like I'm close to something real

I want to find something I've wanted all along

Somewhere I belong

HA! It's ME, putting lyrics on my journal! But they fit. Sometimes others can say the words better than you can. It's weird..Linkin Park has always had uncanny lyrics I could relate to and they've changed to fit my problems now.

I will never know
Myself until I do this on my own
And I will never feel
Anything until my wounds are healed
I will never be

Anything time will break away from me
I will break away
I'll find myself today.

Because I do want to heal, and I want to feel. GOD I WANT TO FEEL. I want to be EMOTIONAL, I want to SCREAM and I want to CRY and I want to TEAR MY HAIR OUT AND BE MISERABLE AND I WANT TO LAUGH.

I WANT TO FEEL!!!!!!!!!

i can't.

I just don't care. In a moment of weirdness, I told Krystie all about it. But nobody understands. Nobody gets it. I told EMilie and when I tell people about my problems they make it out like I"m lucky. When I told Em she just said that at least I get to do whatever I want. But I Don't. I don't get to. I have no friends or drugs or weed or anyone to fuck or anything to rebel against. I wind up bored sitting here in my room alone. What am I talking about? When my Dad leaves of course. Again. It's 2 PM. H left last night. He's not back. I didn't wait up for him this time.

I just need someone to talk to. I just need someone that...someone who'll understand.

ITS NOT FAIR!!!!!!!!WHY CAN'T I HAVE A NORMAL LIFE FOR ONCE? WHY CAN'T I JUST NOT BE DYSFUNCTIONAL? I'VE BEEN THROUGH SO MUCH......MORE THAN MOST EVERYONE ELSE. DON'T I HAVE THE RIGHT TO FINALLY BE HAPPY????? DON'T I HAVE THAT RIGHT??? DON'T I DESERVE THAT???!! DON'T I?!!!!!WHAT DID I EVER DO TO HAVE THIS? I DON'T DESERVE THIS, I DON'T I DON'T I DON'T!!!!!!!!

I JUST WANT TO GO HOME!!!!!!!!!!

It wasn't supposed to be like this.

i want my kathy