I think maybe it's worth it to put up with all of Greg's shit because when he isn't dishing out crap, he's the sweetest, funnest most darling thing ever.

After all, it's only occasionally...and always at school... that he gives me shit. Sigh... why does he like to make it look like I'm totally whipped and make me look bad at school, like he's so cool or something? When we're hanging out alone he's so nice.

We went to Bulldog's yesterday!!! And we looked at all the pron, dildos, vibrators, blow up dolls, and other wonders. He was soo cute how innocent and horrified he was. Awww. We also went to these hella ghetto places. And I ate at Red Robin with him and my dad that night.

Oh Greg sure is somethin.

Anyway a couple weeks back he changed the "I love MJ" on the back of my notebook to "I love My Jewish boyfriend." He asked me if it was true and I said yes, of course. And in the car, he said I'd make a good wife. The best things come out in the car, when we talk. And yesterday in the car I said, one of these days, I'll be rich enough to buy one of those cool remote control vibes. And then "but unfortunately, Ill have no-one to hit the button." and Greg said, the first hing of optimism I've heard from him, the first statement contradicting the "Only 14 more months and then I'm dead to you" statement he said at the beginning of our relationship, he said, "You don't know that. We haven't decided on anything yet. We don't know anything yet. And hey.. maybe we could get a satellite one, and I could get you off from San Diego." and I laughed and elaborated on how fun it would be, but all the while I think both of us realized how tragic and horrible it will be when he finally has to leave. and for a moemnt, we were quiet, and he changed the subject. Then that night he told me he'd gotten the acceptance letter to take the writing course on scholarship in Chicago for a week. "Good" i said. "Sounds like fun." But when the words, "Acceptance letter" came out of his mouth my heart dropped instead of soaring. It's only a week, but it made me think of college acceptance letters.. I should have been happy but instead.... I'm a terrible girlfriend.

Also we were joking and he was saying, "If you were a... if you were a..." I can't remember any of them anymore, but they were really sweet. Except this one: "If you were a snowman, then I'd scoop you up bit by bit and put you in my freezer so you wouldn't melt." And I said, "There aren't any snowmen here." And he said, "But there will be when we're living in Chicago."

he was just kidding, I know, but.... but but but.

I wonder where these dreams go when the world gets in the way...