Wow, when did I change so much?

I used to be totally anti-kids, anti-family, even anti-husband. I figured I'd get an apartment in San Francisco and fuck around with people all my life and be this tortured artist. How has my opinion of things done such a complete 180 in so little time?

Now, as I walk through Crate and Barrel and Santana Row more and more, and I fall more and more in love, and I'm drawn more and more out of this black hole that I made myself, I am actually starting to think maybe I want something different. I still kind of am liking the idea of apartment, but maayyyybe a house, but I really like urban places, but whatever. And I'm actually thinking maybe I do want to have a kid. I'm totally irresponsible and impatient, but... I'll learn? hey, Im 16. I dunno. And I'm thinking I really, really do want a husband. Of course I want someone to be there with me, loving each other until we grow old and gray. And I'll work hard to nurture that relationship. Yes! Yes, me, the owner of the diary of gir666, the craziest most totally fucked up kid ever, wants to live in a Crate and Barrel house with a big fireplace and advent calendars, and yuppie furniture, and an artificially stressed big white bed and a blue and white striped comfy couch, and have someone hold me as I sleep every single night. And I want to be creative and think up healthy and yet yummy meals for my kids and make them grilled cheese sandwiches for lunch and do somersaults in the back yard and chop down a christmas tree and kiss my husband under the mistletoe and send out christmas cards and...

Am I crazy?

I'm beginning to think it will never happen anyway. What will I be doing? Either being a reporter and running all over the place reporting, or if I'm a designer won't I only be hanging around in trendy urban areas with trendy urban guys who don't want any of that? What is my calling? What do I want in life?

Maybe I shouldn't actually be hoping for anything for fear that they will get shattered.