God, I just realized ohw stupid I sound.

I sound perfectly idiotic, and I feel like it, too, at school. It's kind of strange because here I am, walking around amongst these people that I've known and talked to almost every day for the past 8 years of my life, and I feel like I'm a stranger among them.

And I stand around kind of awkwardly waiting for them to acknowledge me at which point I just blurt out some crazy, irrelevant, stupid thing because I'm desperate for affection or attention, whichever. THen I realize how stupid I sounded and I just get stupid and stupider as I get more and more agitated and paranoid until finally I leave them completely and try to find somebody else.

I have come to the conclusion that I guess I really shouldn't hang out with anybody at lunch or anything. It's too depressing. I can't handg around in the art room or with Kathy anymore, though. This is getting as bad as the beginning of sophomore year. I am starting to miss sophomore year.