I liked Lost in Translation because it was real.I like movies that feel real. Like there's soething behind this gross superficiality. Something that's life, not Fast and the Furious.

I guess I always get weirded out by older/younger relationships. I can't relate with it so I can't make a connection. But besides that, the rest of the movie was beautiful.

life is just a series of chemical reactions in our brain, right? I don't know. All I want in life, I guess, is to be happy. But on the other hand, I don't really know how to achieve this state of happiness.

Sometimes I think I'm too messed up, and sometimes I think I'm not messed up enough.

I don't want to be this girl trapped in a horrible marriage and totally having no idea what to do in life, and I think I don't. I have a sort of simple philosophy. Just keep walking and eventually you'll get someplace. In this way I don't think I'm so messed up.

But then again, there's the whole obsessive compulsive dependency issue. Will I become obsessed with a boy like Greg and be so blind as to ruin the rest of my life with him? And if not, will I become dependent on people like Kathy and Greg? If either left I'd die too. This is no way to live a life.

I'm constantly afraid.

I know a couple entries ago I ranted about how people shouldn't put in meaning of life entries every two days and I hate myself for it . Are all kids this insane? They were at one point. And just like I can't play with my playmobils anymore, I guess adults can't get what it feels like to be lost anymore. My family ruined Lost in Translation for me. Their shallowness just bowled me over. But I want to feel this sort of uncertainty for the rest of my life. I guess I always want to be kind of insecure. I don't want to be a boring, certain suburbanite with the rest of my life planned out day by day for me. What if i become this jaded, shallow old fart like them? Doesn't everybody? Where did all the hippies go, right? They became accountants and lawyers, didn't they? I"m going to become a ruin. How do I preserve myself? I'm just going to get moldy. how do some people do it?

Am I more fucked up than everybody else, or less? And is that a good thing?