Hey.

Seems you're very very busy. The girls are always after you for your attention, eh?

Well here's an email. Uh, you probably won't write back. You haven't written me an email or responded to one in over a year. I wish you would, but you don't. So, don't worry about it I guess.

Well I did really well in journalism today helping to exaplin interviewing tips. I think Mr. Crowther was quite satisfied with my performance. That was pretty much the highlight of my day. The rest was sort of..blurry. It isn't really miserable, and it isn't really boo-hoo I'm so sad or anything, it was just one big meaningless blur. I spent my break panicking about some card I'd lost, (I found it) and I spent lunch sitting in the library reading a People magazine on Siegfried and Roy.

Mostly I just try to project an image of confidence. If I'm going to go down, I might as well go down proud. I don't speak anymore, but I don't look down at my feet when I walk, either. I've been practicing my "confident don't fuck with me" walk. Maybe I'll create a new image as the sexy silent bombshell. Eh? Eh? Maybe not.

I daydream most of the time, mostly of you.

When I get home, I sleep. Pretty much all day long. I eat a little, fuck around timidly online, then go to sleep again. I'm kind of scarred. I'm frightened to go online or read my email or anything because I'm too afraid that there will be people writing menasty things and calling me an ungrateful bitch again. It's pretty horrific. But I like to go to deviantart. Paulfresh* is very nice to me, as is Romancandidate~.

I know all of this sounds weird because you've only been gone like two days, but it seems like forever. It just feels different, because I know you're far away, and I know it's going to be like this forever, and I know that I can'e ever just mosey on toward you whenever I feel like anymore.

You seem like you're getting along really well with everybody. A coffee shop??!?!! Geez! Next thing you know you'll be a trendy little bugger with Abercrombie clothing and a 6-pack in the fridge! I'm just kidding. I ca'nt wait to watch all your video footage I guess.

When you call me, I want you to call me when you're really not busy. I really dislike only talking to you for like 10 minutes and being interrupted by a hoarde of shrieking girls and you saying "uhhhhh I gotta go." I'm not mad or anything, it's just annoying. I dunno. Forget it.

I don't know how to survive a year of this. Even the tards have a big clique.

I kind of wish I was a tard. If I was upset, I wouldn't have to have a reason for it, but most of the time I'd be happy because I wouldn't know any damn better.

I IM Kathy in the evenings but my dad is too lazy to cook so he always drags us out to eat and by the time I get back, she's gone. I'm getting really fat. No shit. really. No, really.

I comfort myself in the fact that we got all our movie channels. I watch a lot of movies now. I just saw Frida, which was good, and some Woody Allen movie, and a whole bunch of other shit. And Angels in America, which was weird and kind of dumb. Is it like a movie or something? Or is it a TV show? Dumb ending. Don't watch it.

I told myself that after you left, my beautiful summer would officially be over. Gahhh it's gone it's gone

I must have looked like such a freak in front of your parents crying like that. it was just I've dreaded that precise moment for 2 years. I always wondered what it would be like, and it sucked. I told myself from sophomore year that if ever I got with you (god forbid) I would break up with you before college so you could do as many girls as you wanted there. i dunno. I hope you don't do any girls. Not so much because of us, but it would be a damn shame to see a good guy go to waste. If I ever admired you about something it was that you stayed true to your beliefs and you didn't do shit other guys did like look at porn or go "mmm that girl is fiiiine" and drink and shit like that, and if you started now it would be like you'd be a different person. I think I'd lose all respect for you. I think you'd lose respect in yourself.

now that you're gone, I'm never going to Comedy Sportz--be it a show or a practice--ever again.

Now you know how bored I am, because I had the time to write you this long ass email.

Well ok. Goodnight Greg. Love you

Stephanie

P.S. I hope I didn't sound too depressed. blah..,