God I think I told you about that one tard in the hall right? ugh anyway

So I got these two really good As on my tests today and I felt sort of a lot better today and yesterday because of that. It made me feel sort of smart.

I'm sorry I haven't been seeing you online. Mostly, I've been sleeping. I can't really figure it out. Lately all I do all day is sleep. I barely can survive work, and I get sort of dizzy near the end and fall asleep when I get home. I eat I guess, but not too much, still I'm getting fat. I never do work, so I don't know how I got the two As. Sheer luck? Maybe.

physics and french, however i took an econ test that day too. I dont know how i did.

it sounds like your life sucks right now. Mine too.

Tell me about the beast's date and all the other shitty things that are happening to you. Try not to be so paranoid about Dylan. If he's taking the time to take you out to lunch and be nice to you, give him the benefit of the doubt. Try not to judge him and appreciate him and other's efforts. This could be something that will really work for you if you actually believe in it and try to put some effort into it. I bet your hair looks ok.

So today I went into the library to read by myself, and I sat down at a row of these little tables that have wooden dividers so you can't really see who's sitting next to you. All the loners, all the sad kids with no friends come here to study. Still, I managed to see this girl I know next to me, Cantie. So I said, "hi," but she didn't respond. She just gave me a weird look. Soon after she got up and left with a clatter and didn't say goodbye. Isn't that sad? I don't even fit in with the most rejected children in my school. Maybe it's because I'm too well dressed.

Today I mopped the shop and there were giant chunks of hair of my boss, cuz his hair is super long. the giant chunks of hair were all matted up with dust and collected on my mop. I tried getting them off with a toothbrush, but it was disgusting. Then I tried pouring the mop water down the sink but the hair in the bucket clogged the drain, so I had to reach in with my hand into the black water I could not see through and yank out his fucking hairs form the drain. Is that not the most disgusting thing you've ever heard in your eentire life?

Tomorrow, I learn my position in newspaper. I'm scared to death. If I don't get editor, Kathy, I will break my promise and kill myself with a knife.

i'm not kidding either. If I don't get that position, I won't make it into any colleges.

Anyway, then today I was speaking with Greg, and I had made a pac with myself, "don't speak to greg, hardly at all. Say hi and goodbye. you don't want to annoy him and seem clingy and pathetic." So I pretty much said, I can't talk to you! I made a a pact! and he just said "oh ok." See, I know I was fishing for compliments or something like that but I wished to god he'd said "oh but no stephanie i want to talk to you! come on, dont go." because at least it would prove that he actually liked me, he hadn't already forgotten me for the excitement of college. But he didn't he said ok bye. So I was so sad i cried and cried and my acne medication got into my eyes and burned them like a motherfucking bitch. Then I called him back and I said, "I'm so sorry Greg, I try to be strong and stuff and not worry you with my sadness, but I can't, I'm not strong anymore, I'm this weak, tiny little pathetic girl and I can't help it and I'm so scared. I keep thinking that maybe we should break up because you're seeing all these new people and doing all these new things and I'm convinced that you will forget about me. I don't want to tie you down or anything but god I'm so scared" and he said, "no, you are not weak, you are very strong. This must be really hard. Don't worry, I want you, I really do. I won't forget about you. I really really care about you and love you." and I guess that made me feel a lot better I guess. I kind of forgot most of what he said because I was trying to control my snot except i know it made me feel better. he said he would always be there and to call him whenever i needed someone to talk to.

i still feel shitty though. the words were very nice but i think what i need now is a hug more than anything

me and my dad are not on speaking terms because something horrible happened the other day that I can't talk about.