I finished watching something about Dollhouse, some movie about this poor nerdy little kid.

For no reason at all I feel profoundly depressed. I'm convinced I have depression now, but don't know what to do about it.

I really do like UC Santa Cruz. I hate the whole waiting process of never seeing Greg or kathy, but I guess that's life and what can I do about it except go with the flow?

Greg and I were laying in bed when he and I expressed our love for each other. We'd just spent about 3 days straight with each other and were realizing that this was our last night together before he left. I remember a very profound and deep exchange. I tried to say deep and loving things.

Greg also said to me as we left Cattlemens and I grabbed his arm, "If (the if made me happy) you ever have another boyfriend, I am sure that he won't appreciate your cuteness as much as I do. I love it. You'll grab his arm so tight and shiver and he'll just be like, 'What the fuck you grabbin' mah arm?'" but he laughed and laughed and hugged me closer when I did it. He said he should meet him and tell him to realize how cute I was. I confirmed that no other girl would realize how cute and adorable his crazy antics were. And he said, "but you'd never want to meet my girlfriend. you'd kill her." "true."

i think he loves me quite a bit now. we've made tpons of promises for the summer. bass lake trips, malaysia excursions, beach trips and so forth. i love him. i miss him when he's not here. In college I probably will not miss him so much. I will be surrounded by people so I will not ever be lonely. I won't have time to miss him.

But even in mosaic when every inch of time was taken up i missed him; wished he could share my experiences with me.

i keep telling myself things will get better but I don't think I will let them.