I always used to get so pissed off when I heard of people dropping out of college or whatever, but I can understand where they're coming from now. I'm sick of schooling and it pains me horribly to drag myself out of bed and go to my last two weeks of school. I don't want to do this anymore. I don't want to learn about stupid things that will never sevice me in life. Why is the educational system so ridiculous that I have to study political theory or geology or anthropology, cram all this useless information in my head to get good grades, only to forget it within the next two months? Geology? When the FUCK am I going to use geology?

I'm also going to have to choose a major, which this whole "want-to-die-or-become-a-housewife-and-never-work-again" thing is really inconvenient for, because at this point and time I am not passionate about anything in particular. Not a thing. Nope. Nada. Zip. Zilch.

People tell me to do art but though I do okay at it it brings me no joy and I can't force myself to do it except for when I'm totally bored. People tell me to write, but I'm not smart, imaginative or determined enough for that.

Maybe I should just become a manager at some cool clothing store or something and live out my life making a decent salary doing a decent job which requires practically no thinking and negligable amounts of stress (except, possibly, for worrying about my 401K, but my husband can fix that when I find him.) Like that Diesel girl who interviewed me today. Callbacks. yessss.

I wish I was gorgeous. Gorgeous girls have it so easy. All they have to do is sit around and things COME to them. It isn't fair, how society is run, how someone can sit on their ass and make more money than someone who works their fingers to the bone ever will. A maid should trade pay with Heidi Klum.

I want to see a therapist but Greg said, "Between you and me, I think therapists are a goddamn waste of time," and I said, "Yeah, you know, I think so too." So compromise my stubborn morals and go? Maybe she could rile me up and go, like "OH I've got a passion!" or whatever the hell.

Maybe I should take film classes.

Today I took off my shirt and looked out the window to find Rajiv staring at me from his house next door and I'm freaked out. how can I look him in the eye tomorrow? Goddammit.