It's summer, the weather is warm and I've only got two days left of high school, and then I'm done for life. But instead of being happy, thrilled, excited, for some reason I'm just as pissed as ever, if not more so. I keep lashing out at everyone and just being a total bitch. I think I'm just doing it because I CAN. I know that I'm not going to see these people any more. And pyutting up with everyone's crap is just exasperating. I'm too tired to have to do it anymore. Four years...my youth is too valuable to waste giving these people the time of day.

I lashed out at Lisa the other day and Julie today. Lisa was complaining about how Jessica Perry never talks to her anymore. Come on. Like Lisa is even approachable, or like she has ever looked twice at Jessica. I couldn't even approach her last year because she was constantly surrounded by a wisecracking, insulting force field of sophomores constantly. Well, anyway, I didn't say that, but I just said, "Maybe she doesn't talk to you because you're just too cool for her." It's not that bad a sentence, but I stood up and smiled at her brightly and walked off after I said it, and after a pause I heard her call at my back, "I am not!"

Today, Julie said, "Hey, why do you look so angry today?" Frankly, I'm sick of her asking me why I always look sad or angry. "What's wrong? What's wrong?" I guess she's trying to be nice, but it just gives off the impression that I constantly look pissed off. That isn't too cool is it, having people tell you that you look angry all the time? Yeah, I appreciate that. Maybe that's why I AM pissed off all the time. I don't know. I know this is sociopathic. Anyway, I put on my same sarcastic smile and said, in lieu of my usual "Nothing's wrong. I'm fine!" "Well, I don't know, Julie. Maybe I'm really, really angry inside and I'm just trying to hold it in so hard, and one day I'm going to come to school with some guns and just blow it up." There was a silence, then she laughed nervously, followed by a tedious, "That's not funny."

It feels SOOOOOOOOOOO GOOOD to be a bitch, though. For this whole year, it was just me going kiss kiss, we're all best friends like me! Now's my chance to plant my foot up your ass like I've wanted all this time.

I have some regrets. I talked to Norman for the first time online the other day and was shocked at how simple and ncie he was. I told him, "I guess you're just really quiet and it comes off as unapproachable."

What? I'm a fucking idiot! Why did I say that? Have I ever spoken to him all year outside of journalism? Did I ask him to go to prom? Did I actually interact with him at all? And I'm calling him unapproachable? What the hell is wrong with me?

So I guess it just comes down to some conflicting emotions between whether I should have been nicer or meaner these 4 years. Too late for ifs now. how the hell am I going to try to come across next year?

In other news, kathy, where's your blog?