I went to that party today. Erika Denney's. It was all right. The light was orange, which made everything look so much cheaper, coupled with the Sharks memorabilia and the signed Luke Skywalker Rogue Squadron picture. At first it was strange, the hardcore people were there (and Dustin showed up, which left me flabbergasted and quite disgusted. people aren't supposed to change.) I'm going to miss some people, but not most of the people there. I will miss three people: Kevin Pham, Justine Smith (but shes going to my college) and Lori Nguyen. Oh and Angela, just Norman's silent presence and yea maybe Jon McCratic but probably not because I can't remember the last time I saw him sober.

Anyway, we all sat watching The Girl next Door, which I saw alone on HBO a few weeks ago, so it wasn't anything for me. Me and Justine talked mostly and it was fun chatting about movies, guys and porn. But she got up and I was left alone for a bit. I sat next to Andrea but as soon as I got up marcus johnson stole my seat. Bryan Waters flopped down unreasonably close to me on the couch and attempted some clumsy, drunken flirting. Jon skipped the bullshit and collapsed right on top of me, which I didn't quite mind as I've never had a drunk irishman on top of me before. I commented on his unique smell blend of deodorant, cologne, Jon-ness, beer and weed. I like smelling guys <3 but not ever fat ones.

Kevin Pham took off his shirt today and he is fucking smoking. He has a spiral bellybutton.

I spoke to Justine about hookahs in the corner for a while, trying to get my retarded asshole of a camera to work (never reliable) and we talked shit about people, like Shalina (bitch), her boyfriend, (baby dressed in baby ghetto clothing), their relationship (we're married? Please, your significant other is the only other person ugly and ddesperate enough to get with you) etc etc etc. THe hardcore kids started leaving and the ghetto kids started arriving. Me an Adrea agree: ghetto drunk kids are so much less fun than harcore drunk kids. Reinier was there though, sans Krystle, thank god. I hate that sappy moo-moo crap. I don't understand why couples can't act like ordinary people. Erika Von Hessler showed up, and I hate her. Andrea asked if I wanted to leave just in time, so I packed up my shit and headed out. We drove Bryan Waters home and he talked about norman and how he "saved his life" (dragged him to the car and let him throw up on his shoes.)

I want to hang out with bryan waters and norman. By all means I should not be amused by that sort of shit anymore, and most of the time I'm not, but sometimes I long for the carefree days in the 8th grade of gallavanting around and making bongs and jjumping over ledges and acting like evreything is one big goddamn Jackass episode.

I went back to my car and said goodniht, then returned to the party so I could say a proper goodbye to Justine. She wasn't there, though. I tried looking for her outside and was surrounded by a blur of girls and guys swirling around me. They were all ghettokids, and I was astonished vaguely that after four years, there was no-one at this party I felt comfortable enough to talk to. Erika was running around like I had before yelling at everyone to shut up and I realized how annoying it is. I walked and found a giant pool in front of me.At first I thought it was empty and was tempted to leap in and see, but as I looked harder I saw my shadow waver as it hovered over it and I saw dead leaves floating on the surface. Everyone surrounding the pool's shadows leaked over it to the other side in two distinct groups on either side of me and in the middle, alone, was mine, spread eagle, looking straight at me. To see this whole thing, outlined in flourescent white and blue, my shadow there, was beautiful and worth my trip back. THen I went home